Birthing with a Doula - Jacy

The birth of my first daughter is something I often wish I could go back and change, not necessarily the outcome, but I do wish I was more informed and had surrounded myself with a better support system prior. I was 22years old and a bit naive to put it simply. It was May 2020 and the world had just gone into lockdown. Things were crazy at hospitals and I had been hearing stories on the news of babies being taken away from their mothers if they tested positive for Covid. I had so much fear already going to each appointment and then I was told I needed to be induced at 39 weeks for having high blood pressure, however when I got to the hospital my blood pressure was no longer high.

I had no idea I had the option to say no to anything, to being induced, to getting an IV, to cervical checks, or anything that I was being told to do. I look back and cringe a lot mostly at myself for not knowing I could stand up for myself and my baby but also at the nurses who were making me think there were no other options.

I cried so much over the next 19 hours. I remember at one point calling my mom (who I don’t often talk to) in tears telling her none of these things felt right for me to be doing. She told me to just do as I was told. Oh how I wish I could go back and give myself a giant hug. 17 hours in and I had been stuck at 8cm  for hours without any progression. My body was exhausted I think mostly from the amount of sobbing I had done all day. I was offered no ways of helping cope with the contractions, my husband wasn’t given ways to help support me throughout. A new nurse came on shift, and told me I needed an epidural to help my body relax enough to dilate. I explained why I didn’t want an epidural and she pushed me more by telling me I would risk having to have a C-section if I didn’t get an epidural. So I got the stupid epidural. My body then dilated to a 10 within an hour after getting the epidural but I had zero sensation or feeling of my contractions or where/how to push. I pushed for two hours that in my mind felt like days. Then finally I had my beautiful baby girl, KoKo in my arms. She was healthy and that is all that I try to let matter now.

Fast forward two years, I was 24 and pregnant with my second daughter. Hellbent on informing myself as much as possible and knowing my rights as a birthing woman. I very much wanted to have a home birth this time around but we lived fairly far from a hospital and my husband wasn’t on board with it. Hospitals near me were still restricting the number of people allowed to support birthing woman unfortunately and also would not allow my daughter there or to come visit after her sister was born (insert my strong desire to accidentally give birth at home). My first daughter KoKo was still being nursed to sleep at the time, I had never been away from her before and knew me going to the hospital would be hard on her so we decided it would be best to have my husband stay home with her when I gave birth.

After deciding this I knew I wanted to find someone who could come with me and support me at the hospital. My nurse gave me a list of Doulas in the area and out of that I chose Haylee and Sharina with Boise Birth Village. They both are mothers themselves, they were both full of knowledge, and they both immediately seemed like very kind human beings who wanted the best for me. They were an easy yes for me and my family.

My goal was to labor at home with my doula and family and go to the hospital just in time to meet my sweet baby.

Haylee and Sharina alternated being on call for their births. In the beginning I thought I’d be nervous not knowing which doula I would have with me when my body decided to go into labor, but that ended up not being the case. I thoroughly enjoyed them both so much and was excited  just to be able to have their support. They both answered any questions I had throughout my pregnancy. They checked in on me and my family and just truly cared for us. My favorite thing is that they came to my home and shared stretches, breathing techniques, and even ways for my husband to best support me while I labored at home. They asked questions and got to know all of my wants incase I was unable to answer them for myself during labor. My daughter loved them and called them our “doula ladies” in a very cute toddler voice.

At 41 weeks I grew very eager to meet my baby girl. My doctor had scheduled an induction at 42 weeks so I was determined to do all the natural things that could possibly help my body along in the process. Haylee and Sharina were very encouraging and helpful. I spent two days doing all of the things, nothing was too crazy for me to try at this point. On a Saturday I began having contractions, I was so excited I called my husband home from work but later that evening they stalled and eventually completely stopped. I felt very sad and anxious, I kept praying over my baby that she would come on her own before I had to be induced. I remember speaking to Sharina on the phone just feeling very defeated. I was having trouble sleeping and was just overall very nervous about potentially repeating the same steps that had happened in my first daughter’s birth. Sharina said all the right things to calm my mind. She suggested relaxing my body for the day and told me my body knows the perfect timing for things. I was mentally drained and decided to follow Sharina’s plan. My husband and I decided to take my daughter swimming that Sunday. My husband did most of the chasing KoKo around all day while I just relaxed in the water. I felt finally calm for the first time in weeks.

We went home ate some good food and then we all went for a walk. KoKo and I did curb walking and it was the cutest thing watching her mimic me rubbing her belly as she tried to quickly step on and off the curb to keep up. She told my husband “we’re walking this baby out!”. However still no contractions. We go home and I put KoKo to bed. I did my Miles Circuit. My husband rubbed my swollen feet. And I went to bed feeling hopeful and reassured my body would do it’s thing.

I woke up at 1am Monday morning with contractions. I remember waking my husband with so much joy. I believe Haylee was on call that day but she had just attended another long birth and needed rest. So Sharina was our “doula lady!”. She chatted with me over the phone throughout the very early morning checking in on me occasionally but I hadn’t yet felt like I needed her. I was bouncing on my ball with my headphones on just doing my thang, smiling through every contraction just so grateful each time I felt another one come on. I asked Sharina what I could do to make sure they continued progressing. She recommended I try the bath or the shower. My husband was back asleep by this point. Things progressed very quickly once I got in the shower around 5am. My daughter and husband then woke up for the day. I put my music on a speaker and swayed leaning over my yoga ball. KoKo sat next to me rubbing my back and hugging me while my husband made us breakfast. It was such a beautiful moment I will cherish forever. I was in pain of course but I was surrounded by so much love and encouragement that I didn’t fear it. I was calm. I felt peace.

I had my husband call Sharina and tell her I wanted her to come around 6:45am. All of a sudden I felt a big sensation and felt my water break. KoKo ran and told my husband that “mommy had an accident” I couldn’t help but laugh. I had one contraction after my water broke and told my husband to call Sharina back and tell her to just meet us at the hospital this baby is coming!

My husband gets very chatty when he’s nervous, bless his heart but the uncomfortable car ride 30 minutes to the hospital was not the time and place I needed to be playing twenty questions. The contractions got very intense in the car and I had to turn around and lean over the seat to sway. My husband said “honey please I need you to put your seatbelt on”. I then responded by yelling “shut up and drive!” We often look back and laugh at this now because my husband didn’t realize just how close I was to having my baby in the car.

When we arrived at the hospital it was 7:32 I remember seeing on the car’s clock. I immediately found a wall to start swaying on. My eyes closed and it was taking all of my mind to focus on my contractions and nothing else around me. My husband and Sharina are gathering my things out of the car. In between contractions I go over to kiss my daughter goodbye. My sweet girl was crying and didn’t want me to go, I asked her to be strong for me and her response was “okay I’ll be strong just like you mama”. Well if that didn’t fill my body with so much strength and willpower! Next thing I know I look over and my husband is carrying the infant car seat attached to THE ENTIRE BASE. Another contraction comes on and I’m trying to explain how to detach the car seat from the base with hand signals because no words could come out through my breathing (face palm). He gets it figured out a century later (probably just seconds I’m a bit dramatic okay) and Sharina takes me inside.

This is where my memory fades because I had my eyes closed the entire time. I didn’t speak I just remember listening to my breathing, it sounded so loud, everything else I just tuned out. I told Sharina “BATH.” I got naked in between a contraction and got into the bath that had enough water to cover just maybe my toes.

There was a nurse trying to get an IV in my arm and another nurse I felt trying to get the monitor on my belly. I kept pushing everyone away and don’t remember anything anyone was saying. The first contraction that happened when I got into the bath while everyone was doing that, I lost my focus. I opened my eyes and I grabbed Sharina’s hand and said “I don’t think I can do this” she smiled at me and said “Jacy you are already doing this, Maple is going to be here so soon!” I put my game face on and closed my eyes again for one more contraction and then I felt the need to push. The nurses got me to the bed. Sharina had her hand on me the entire time and I never felt like I was alone. Sharina called my husband and daughter on FaceTime and they were still driving back home. My husband still talks about how shocked he was that he couldn’t believe how fast it all happened.

My eyes were still closed while I pushed and I heard nothing but my breathing again. A nurse kept trying to get the monitor on my belly and I remember yelling at her to stop (this is the only negative thing that sticks out to me from the whole experience, well and the unpleasant car ride (thanks honey)). Sharina put on my music for me and I remember hearing her briefly say “Jacy when you open your eyes don’t be scared there are a lot of nurses in here because Maple passed meconiom while in the womb” the next time I opened my eyes was when I heard my beautiful baby crying.

While the nurses came and checked on Maple I looked at Sharina and her hand never left my side. She said “YOU DID IT!” My toddler and husband were on FaceTime both crying and encouraging me. Maple was healthy and latched onto my breast right away. I couldn’t stop smiling. Maple was born at 8:46 am on the 27th of June and it was the most incredible moment of my life thus far.

The room then sounded so loud, finally hearing all of the nurses and doctors and saying hello to them for the first time as if they didn’t just deliver a baby out of my vagina prior.

I was on cloud 9. Heaven on earth. Pure bliss.

I am not currently pregnant but oh boy do we have plans for baby number three, God willing. Those plans include a home birth with every intention of having Sharina or Haylee right by my side.

Thank you our “doula ladies” we all love you like family. - The Crow family